Some of an 80's/90's Childhood

For my fellow children of the 80's and early 90's, these won't need an introduction.  But for the uninitiated, these TV show intros could explain my generation's dysfunction or brilliance.  This is only a tiny preview (because I didn't think the general public could stand too much of these, but if I get enough likes or commentary, I'll dig up some more treasures for a future post.  

Duck Tales

Probably the overall favorite TV show of its kind for everyone my age.  Pretty much everyone I knew had this song memorized.  

Tale Spin

This song, along with the Tiny Toon Adventures them, were probably the best intro themes for kids TV shows back in the day.  You can see how Disney was on their way to those catchy Lion King songs when they wrote this one. 

Tiny Toon Adventures

"Ellelator go up!  Ellelator go down!"  Brilliant little show while it lasted, plus a catchy intro.  

Animaniacs: Nations of the World

I didn't watch this show too much, but this clip shows how somebody on the writing staff was an unleashed super-creative individual!

Marietta's Claim to Fame!

The beak moves and the eyes roll.  It's 56 feet tall and rises like a juggernaut above the non-existent Marietta, GA skyline.  When you ask for directions, people will tell you how to get where you want to go based off the location of this beloved eye-sore.  There's even a souvenir shop inside where you can buy little stuffed animals that look like the restaurant.  

It's affectionately known by locals simply as the Big Chicken.  At one point, "they" were going to tear it down, but there was such public outcry (and fundraisers) that this colossal chicken was saved!  Now restored, it seems as if it's going to remain part of my hometown for as long as my hometown exists.  In my opinion, it's worth stopping by just for the photo op (even better than Bucksnort, Tennessee if you as me!)

Cats are Superior to Dogs (Theologically Speaking)

We’ve all been part of this conversation or have overheard one.  Person A, a dog-lover, meets Person B, a cat-lover.  They have a discussion,  (and it might get a little heated, but usually ends friendly) about how cats are superior to dogs or dogs are superior to cats, etc.  These conversations never really go anywhere, but people have them anyways.  Dogs alwaysgreet you when you come in the door; cats can be litter box trained/aren’t so stupid, blah-dee-blah-blah, and so on.  ENOUGH!  Today, I thought I would settle the matter, at least for those of Biblical faith: cats are vastly superior to dogs.  So sorry dog-lovers.  L

First of all, in making this argument, allow me to give a few disclaimers.

Disclaimer 1: Everything I’m about to say in this article is a joke.  I say this because I’ve actually had people get angry with me when I’ve given these arguments.  It’s understandable, I suppose, if you are in the dog loving camp. 

Disclaimer 2: Though I will be quoting Scripture I’m not trying to make a doctrine out of this, it’s all in good fun!

Disclaimer 3: I’m not trying to say that dogs have no value or that no one wants them or that you’re evil if you own one.  Far from the truth! They’re useful, lovable creatures and I think God loves them too.  After all, two of them were saved on the ark with Noah.  But let’s be clear that we’re talking about a lesser creature than cats.

So let’s proceed with the theology.  To make this easy on everyone, I’m going to keep a scorecard, starting with Cats 0, Dogs 0.

Throughout the Bible, dogs get dogged on, and it’s not just me who says so.  According to the entry on dogs in The Dictionary of Biblical Imagery (a source I used for several of the verses on dogs in this article), the life of a dog “…shocks the reader with visions of squalor, dismal poverty and the life of a pariah at the bottom of the social scale.”  (Cats 0, Dogs -1.)  It goes on to say, “Of all the domesticated animals there is a particular revulsion for the dog, who alone is willing to eat humans corpses, a fact that is reprehensible to every human and exploited uniquely by the book of Kings as a curse that comes upon wicked dynasties.”  (Before we go on, we have to tally that one up… dogs eat human flesh and they are used as curses… that’s a negatory on two counts so it’s Cats 0, Dogs -3.) 

But wait dog lovers!  Did you know that there’s actually a verse in the Bible that explicitly mentions a condition in which a dog is better than a cat?  Yes!  There is!  Behold: “…even a live dog is better off than a dead lion” (Ecclesiastes 9:4 NIV).  Ouch.  I guess you can tell that the language in that verse indicates that under normal circumstances a dog is obviously inferior to a lion (cat), but that if the cat is dead and rotting a dog trumps it… barely.  For this, I suppose we can be extremely generous and deduct only two thirds of a point from dogs.  (Cats 0, Dogs -3.66.) 

“But Adam, that’s just Old Testament…” says the dog-lover.  We’re in the New Covenant now.  Okay!  Here goes!  Paul says in Phil 3:2, “Beware of the dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the false circumcision.”  The context here is that these people referred to as “dogs” were trying to rob the Philippians of their participation in Christ’s salvation.  (Cats 0, Dogs -4.66.)

The Apostle Peter, in 2 Peter 2:22, compares sinners returning to their sinful ways with dogs returning to lick up their own vomit.  (Cats 0, Dogs -5.66.)   He juxtaposes dogs with swine in the same verse.  (Cats 0, Dogs -6.66.)  It seems that dogs are not only losing their case, but now they are seeming kind of… evil, wouldn’t you say? 

I could go on, but I will end it with one, final point that is enough to ruin the day of any Bible-believer who previously thought that dogs were superior to cats.  Revelation 5:5 is THE trump card where God Almighty identifies Himself with a lion when He names Himself, “the Lion that is from the tribe of Judah.” 

Obviously, being associated with God gives cats* an infinite number of points, so we end our competition with the final score of Cats ∞, Dogs -6.66.  I rest my case.

*If you are thinking about making the GROUNDLESS argument that a lion is not a cat, please read this article.

The Odds of Being a 6'6'' Redhead

You always wanted to know...

Even in the Middle Ages, Redheads were Boss!

I learned/figured out some interesting things today.  Granted, the things I learned all directly apply to me, so this post is perhaps one of my most narcissistic posts ever, BUT I still thought it was interesting enough to let everyone know. 

I'm 6'6'' and only 1/4 of 1% of the world's population is that height.  That number looks like this: 0.0025.   Pretty cool huh? 

So I thought about this, and applied it to the fact that only 2% (0.02) of the world's population is red haired.  

In case you forgot middle school math, the way you find out the odds of two percentages coming together is to simply multiply them.  THEREFORE, a red head being 6'6'' or above is going to be extremely rare... about 0.00005 % of the population.  Whoa!  Now I feel as random as a purple tiger or something like it!

But even though those odds are long... let me give you some food for thought.  I went to high school with a red head who was also 6'6'' or thereabouts (I remember having him edged in height, but sometimes the memory a guy has of his high school days are exaggerated come 10+ years later... e.g. Uncle Rico's hilarious line, "How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?").  So since there were two of us in one high school, us 6'6'' redheads can't be THAT rare, can we?  

Well, if you multiply 0.00005% times the current world population of 7.1 billion, you'll see that there are plenty of tall redheads!  355,000 of them to be precise!  That's about the population of the Bahamas... a nice country, but probably not the best for tall redheads since they get sunburned easily and sometimes are so large that their friends meanly call them "Moby Dick" when they go swimming (yes, this actually happened to me!)

And before you go and stereotype all redheads as being Irish or even European, let me just tell you, there are people groups (some of them with very dark skin) from China, Papua New Guinea and the Middle East and North Africa (mostly areas in the former Ottoman Empire, usually Berber populations people but also including Jews) that are known for having red hair.   

Thus ends my strange, rambling combination of random facts and math.  

Church Death

Driving near my new home today, I saw (and stopped by) a church that had closed its doors and was selling the property.  The church sign read something like,"Churches come and go, God is Eternal. Good Bye, God Bless." 

What struck me was that this church was on a main road in a densely populated area of Norfolk.  There's no great reason why it should have closed.  I know I might be jumping to conclusions, but I couldn't help but strongly feel as though the congregation was trying to acquit themselves of guilt for letting a beautiful church, on a main road, DIE.  I was thinking, "what in the world happened here?  How could you possibly let this happen?"  

Churches do not just come and go.  Sure, sometimes they're conquered as they were in Turkey, or populations leave due to economic decline as they have in Detroit.  But in populated areas in the hearts of living cities, they do NOT just "come and go." They are started through much blood, sweat and tears, and they are preserved through hard work, lifelong repentance and death-to-self on the parts of the congregants and leadership.  If they go, and maybe this is harsh to say, it's because somebody surrendered, compromised or refused to change.

UPDATE: By strange circumstance, I met a man from this church when I stopped by it one day.  I asked him what happened, and this was his reply (paraphrased): "This whole area has changed a lot over the years.  My family has been at this church for 6 generations, and the neighborhood just couldn't support it anymore."  

I also watched some of their church services online: if it's not too harsh to say it, they were a white, 1950's style congregation, and they were in the midst of an African American community.  The neighborhood could have supported the church, but not their vision of church.  God forgive them, forgive us, and give us grace to not repeat such disasters.

A Mix of the Profound and Stupid

The Profound

This is a stunning video that will forever change the way you think about autism and the possibilities of people that have it.  There's tons of implications here, but the ones I was most excited about is how we can better love people with autism and the hope for a cure that I believe this video has built in.  (Anytime we understand this stuff better, I think it points the way to that).  

The Stupid (Yet Simultaneously Genius).

This is a video made by two brothers who were "Best Men" in their third brother's wedding.  To honor their brother, they made this spectacular video.  In its own right, this is genius as a parody of the 80's both in song and in video.  

There are so many little details from outfits, synthesizers, side-swiping cuts, lighting, etc., that makes this perfect (there's even a ballad section in the middle).  Perhaps my favorite is their style of singing with a faux-foreign accent and overly dramatic emphasis on their words.  

Beyond being an 80's parody, remember that this was done for a wedding.  As a creative substitute for a "best man speech" it is by far the best thing I've ever heard of.  The entire extended family and friends are probably still recovering from this.